Why Me?
by Stixer111
Summary: Everybody wants to ruin Dr. John Watson's life. Two bored Holmes brothers, a box full of embarrassing photos, and a VERY interested Scotland Yard can only mean trouble for the good doctor. An omegle story told through texts. rated for cursing. mild crack.


**A/N- ****_So, we have yet another story told via omegle. The stars are me and the dashes are the stranger. This will slowly become more and more OOC. _****_Currently a oneshot, but I'll add more if there are enough reviews *Hint Hint*.Enjoy! -Stixer_**

**Why me?**

***** Baker street, come at once if convenient-SH

**-** What is it now? What happened? -JW

***** We need Milk-SH

***** And a new Microwave-SH

**-** Bloody hell. What did you _do_? -JW

***** Experiment. Did you know that Brain matter is a combustible substance?-SH

**-** I think _anything_ would explode after being nuked in the bloody microwave, Sherlock. -JW

***** Will Mrs. Hudson raise the rent if there are some stains in the carpet?-SH

***** And the wallpaper? -SH

**-** Aw hell. It's that bad? That's it. No microwave for you anymore. -JW

***** But John! I need a suitable source of radiation. It is vital to some of my experiments!-SH

**-** Don't care. Only I can use it when I get a new one. Go blow someone else's microwave up. NOT Mrs. Hudson's! -JW

***** Fine then... Maybe I can Borrow Lestrade's. -SH

**-** He might not give you cases if you do that. -JW

***** I might have something I can blackmail Mycroft with-SH

**-** Which would be...? -JW

***** Pictures. I believe mummy sent me some when I first moved to London.-SH

***** Aha! I found something. -SH

**-** Dare I ask what are _in_ those pictures? -JW

**-** Wait...what did you find? -JW

***** Oh, nothing on Mycroft I'm afraid... he probably destroyed them all.

You on the other hand... -SH

**-** What is it? -JW

**-** Wait what? What are you planning? -JW

**-** Bloody hell I'm not kidding! -JW

***** How exactly did you get the nickname "three continents Watson"?-SH

**-** W-What? Oh God. Get out of my stuff, Sherlock! -JW

***** Is it my fault you leave it lying around? -SH

**-** Get OUT of my things before I hurt you -JW

***** John, when you leave them in such obvious places you can't really complain. -SH

**-** My _room_ is supposed to contain _my_ things in it! I don't go snooping through your room! -JW

**-** Now please get out before you find something worse. -JW

***** John. You're wearing a dress. Purple is not your color. -SH

**-** GET OUT, DAMMIT!-JW

**-** Plus I was drunk that day. -JW

***** Hmm... Lestrade may like this one.-SH

**-** Like...what...?-JW

**-** What is it? -JW

***** The one with the fruit. -SH

**-** Fucking hell. Don't show _anyone_ that! Sherlock stop and get out off my room! -JW

**-** When I get home I plan on throwing you out a window for this. -JW

***** Lestrade won't see any of them if I get my microwave.-SH

**-** You'll just blow it up again! -JW

***** John. It's for the case!-SH

**-** What case requires you to blow up brains! -JW

***** A man's alibi relies on it.-SH

***** Legwork from my dear brother. -SH

**-** For God's sake. _Fine_! Just...get out of my things before you find anymore. When I get home I'm burning them. -JW

***** Alright. -SH

**-** Thank you! -JW

**-** Uh...just to be sure...that's all you found, right? -JW

***** Oh. Of Course. -SH

**-** Good. Now leave my room, _now_. -JW

***** JOHN WHAT THE HELL! - Greg

**-** What? -JW

**-** What happened? -JW

***** What are you doing with the fruit? -Greg

**-** The hell- oh no. SHERLOCK I WILL FUCKING _KILL_ YOU!-JW

***** John?-SH

**-** Greg, burn that picture! -JW

**-** DON'T FUCKING "JOHN?" ME! You showed Greg that picture! -JW

***** Okay. Can I keep the one with the dress though? -Greg

***** John, It wasn't me. -SH

**-** NO YOU CAN'T! Greg what is wrong with you? Burn them, _now_! -JW

**-** What the hell do you mean it wasn't you! I'm not stupid. You were the only one in my stuff! -JW

***** He's right... purple is not your color. -Greg

***** I swear it wasn't me! -SH

**-** Shut up! I was drunk! -JW

**-** Yes it was! Greg even said "He's right... purple is not your color," Something you informed me of earlier, no? -JW

***** Just wondering... why is the picture so fuzzy. -Greg

**-** I don't know Greg. Rubbish drunken photographer? -JW

***** That would explain it. -Greg

***** It wasn't me John. But who else? I was the only one in the house, and the only one watching. How... Oh -SH

**-** What? If not you, then who? -JW

***** Cameras John! -SH

**-** ...Please don't tell me Mycroft. -JW

***** Oh, very good. I'm rubbing off on you. -SH

**-** Never mind you. I'm going to punch your brother instead. I mean-why would he send those! -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* Hello John

**-** Mycroft! Why did you send those pictures! -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* I thought they may amuse a few friends.

**-** Dammit, why can't you stay out of my life? -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* You practically invited me into your life when you decided to move in with my brother.

**-** No, I bloody well didn't! Last thing I need is for you to be stalking me and exploiting my embarrassing moments! -JW

***** John. Who's the girl in this picture? -Greg

**-** ...No one, Greg! I thought I asked you to burn those! -JW

***** You told me to burn the one with the fruit and the dress. -Greg

**-** ...How many pictures do you _have_? -JW

***** I don't know, I keep getting more. -Greg

**-** DON'T LOOK AT THEM! Don't look, just burn! -JW

**-** Mycroft, why are you doing this to me? I _will_ kill you for this! –JW

*** ***_Number Blocked_* That would be terribly ambitious of you.

***** It's like a train wreck. I can't look away. -Greg

**-** Just _try_, okay! Oh God. My life is going down the drain...-JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* You have no idea how easy it is to find some _interesting_ photographs once you know where to look. And if you have my resources...

**-** Why me? You uncaring bastard! What have I ever done to deserve this! -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* It get's quite boring, running the British government.

**-** Great. Now I'm harassed by _two_ bored Holmes. One that blew up the microwave and one that gets a sadistic kick out of my embarrassment! Fan-fucking-tastic! How did I get so lucky? -JW

***** John... -Greg

**-** Oh God. _What_, Greg? I don't think I even want to know...-JW

***** Anderson wants to know where you found the cat. -Greg

**-** Greg, just kill me now. Please.-JW

***** Not my division. -Greg

***** Where _did_ you get the cat. -Greg

**-** Look at the time it was my girlfriend's cat, okay? She had brought it with her and after she never talked to me again, happy? -JW

***** Extremely... where did Sherlock get the pictures anyway?-Greg

**-** He was going through my things in my room when I told him he couldn't use the microwave anymore. Besides...he didn't send them. His annoying ass of an older brother did. -JW

***** He has a brother... God help us all. -Greg

**-** No, God help me. He's stalks me because I live with Sherlock. Thought showing these pictures would be funny! -JW

***** Well, he wasn't wrong. -Greg

**-** Thank you, Greg. That makes me feel better! -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* my PA would like to know if she can borrow the feather boa sometime.

**-** Are you trying to drive me away? Or trying to make me kill myself? I mean, really, I want to know! -JW

**-** And no, she can't! -JW

***** Does Sally have your number? -Greg

**-** No, why? -JW

***** Never mind. -Greg

**-** _Why_, Greg! Don't tell me she got them too! -JW

***** Okay. She didn't get them. -Greg

***** I don't think it was big brother Holmes though. -Greg

**-** Oh God. -JW

**-** What do you mean? He told me himself that he did it. -JW

***** By the looks she was giving Anderson... -Greg

**-** Sally? But how did she even get a hold of those! -JW

***** Anderson would be my guess. OH. MY. GOD. -Greg

**-** Anderson, that bas-Whoa-What? What did you see _now_? Please don't be that Christmas party picture...-JW

***** EVERYONE can see the Christmas Party picture. Anderson found a projector. -Greg

**-** Right. I'm going to kill Anderson. -JW

***** Umm... You better avoid the Yard for a couple of days. -Greg

**-** Sherlock? I'm not coming back for a while. I'm going to get smashed at the pub and be arrested for the murder of Anderson. -JW

***** Don't be obvious. -SH

**-** Thank for the tip, Greg. -JW

**-** Obvious? Maybe, but damn well worth it. -JW

***** Remember to get the powder burns off your hands. -SH

**-** Of course. Can't be sloppy. -JW

***** Mycroft can, of course, dispose of all arrest records. -SH

**-** I doubt it. He helped in this whole ordeal. -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* I hear you may need your records wiped

**-** I might. Why would help me after what you did? There's no gain in it for you. -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* Oh there will be a gain... later

**-** _What_ gain, Mycroft? -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* _Legwork_

**-** I thought Sherlock is already helping you out on a case. Well...until he blew up the microwave. -JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* At a later date then. You _are_ the only person who can convince him to take one of my "boring" cases

**-** Your resources might be getting rusty. He hardly listens to me. I barely manage to get him to eat on a daily base.-JW

***** *_Number Blocked_* Your opinion matters more than you think. Enjoy your night Dr. Watson

**-** Smashed? Of course. -JW

***** John, you may want to avoid the Yard for a few weeks. -Greg

**-** I moved up to weeks? Hooray for me. Guess Sherlock's on his own for the time being, then. -JW

***** Make that at least a month. -Greg

**-** Dammit! -JW

**-** Sherlock you're on your own. I can't go to Scotland Yard for at least a month now. -JW

***** John. They won't work with me. -SH

**-** They will not be kind on the jokes and remarks if I show. I'm sorry, but I just...can't. -JW

**-** You'll do fine. How did you fair before I came along? Someone had to work with you, right? -JW

***** Not exactly -SH

**-** Oh...who was it? -JW

***** He quit. -SH

***** Was smarter than Anderson though.-SH

***** Still an Idiot-SH

**-** Of course he was. No one can live up to your standards, can they? Though that was a bit much. You're not that bad. He didn't have to quit because of you. -JW

**-** But I can't go back. Not until this dies out. -JW

**-** I don't think killing Anderson will help anymore. -JW

***** Of course it will, you'll be ridding the world of stupidity-SH

**-** Not the point. How can I ever return there? My life has been ruined, by stupid pictures -JW

***** It will blow over, I suppose. -SH

**-** Until then, I'm sorry. Tell me how the cases go so I can write them up on my blog. -JW

***** John, you focus too much on the unnecessary details... I will be happy to proofread, of course. -SH

**-** I will let you proofread, but you can't change anything. -JW

***** That defeats the purpose of the proofreading. -SH

**-** I know. -JW

**-** That's the point. -JW

***** Good night John. -SH

**-** Night, Sherlock. -JW


End file.
